


Don’t leave me here behind

by Mishalocked24



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Episode: s14e10 Nihilism, Light Angst, M/M, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-12 07:56:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17463599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mishalocked24/pseuds/Mishalocked24
Summary: Just a coda of s14e10From the story:“Dean-“ Castiel shouts and runs towards him, kneeling in front of his bent figure and reaching for the handle of the blade, brushing with trembling fingertips the cold metal. “What have you done?”





	Don’t leave me here behind

He sees him as soon as he enters into the room.

The blood is dripping from his palm and the blade he’s holding between his hands is stained red: a scarlet pool is spreading under his feet.

“Dean-“ Castiel shouts and runs towards him, kneeling in front of his bent figure and reaching for the handle of the blade, brushing with trembling fingertips the cold metal. “What have you done?”

Dean stares at him with his green and blown out irises, thinning his lips in pain when Castiel slowly lays down his body on his lap, hovering with his hands on the wound.

“I’ve done what it had to be done.” He whispers, hissing and squinting his eyelids shut when he feels a pressure against the knife. “I couldn’t let Michael win. I couldn’t let anyone of you die. _Anyone_.” Dean opens his eyes and clings to Castiel’s wrists, stopping him. “I just couldn’t.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Cas,“ Castiel shakes his head and a white soft light erupts from his palm, still hovering on his body. “stop.” Dean entwines his fingers with his and Castiel just stares at his face in disbelief. “You need to listen to me.”

“The blade must be removed and then-“

“Cas-“

“It _must_ be removed so that we-“

“Castiel.”

Castiel snaps his gaze on his features, his lower lip trembling with fear, and lowers his arms, resting his fingertips on his chest.

Dean shivers and a sigh escapes from his chapped lips, the blood still dripping from the wound.

“Billie,-“ he takes a deep breath and he quivers for the effort “she told me that all the notebooks that described my death ended in the same way, except for one.”

“No.”

“ _This_ , Cas. This is the only way we can stop Michael.”

“Please.”

A small and bitter smile pulls at his mouth.

“You have to let me go. This is my choice.”

Dean closes his eyes when Castiel brushes back a strand of hair and then he rests his forehead against Dean’s, shutting his eyes too.

“ _It’s not fair_.”

A bitter chuckle bursts from his chest and then Dean coughs, the sudden lack of air in his lungs making him jolt away in discomfort.

“I don’t know if you’re aware, pal, but our life has never been a simple one.”

The only noises in the room are their ragged and uneven breaths, while they stare at each other.

“He has never been me, you know?” Dean brushes Castiel’s hand again and with his nails he scratches his rough skin. “Michael, he has never known shit about us.” Cas’s low and sudden whimper makes Dean’s heart clench in pain and he just clings to his hand harder. “Yes, Cas, _you_ gripped me tight and raised me from perdition. But it has always been more than that, hasn’t it?”

Dean pretends not to feel the dampness wetting his cheeks when he continues to speak.

“I ain’t a man of words, Cas. Never was, never will.“ Dean darkly jokes, lowering his voice in a thin whisper “Yet what I do care most about is making you understand that-“

“Shut up, Dean.” Cas presses his palm on his mouth and the tears starts to stream copiously on his face when he bumps their foreheads again one against the other. “Just… shut up.”

Dean nods and kisses softly his hand.

The warmth and the honesty in his green irises are unbearable and Castiel just shivers when he feels Dean’s chapped lips resting forcefully against his skin.

_They were soft. His lips have always been soft._

_They’re chapped now and he’s just fading away._

He takes his decision.

“I’m not gonna lose you, Dean. Do you understand?” He suddenly gets up and grabs the handle of the knife, grabbing it with desperation and pulling out the blade with one swift movement.

Dean howls in pain.

“I cannot lose you.” He brushes softly the nape of his neck, calming the tremor of his shoulder with soothing and relaxing gestures, while with his right hand he starts to heal his wound.

The light takes the blood away.

Dean pants for the unbearable pain and just stares speechless at Cas’s hard and strong expression.

“Sam needs you. Jack needs you. Bobby, Mary… they all need you, Dean.” Castiel throws the blade away and its clanging resonates in the room. “And I don’t care if Michael is gonna burn down this world to ashes. I don’t care if he’s gonna burn it to the ground.” Castiel cups his face and with a resigned smile he closes his eyes. “I don’t care if Death or the Empty are waiting for me around the corner.”

“Cas-“

“I want to let the sun shine on my face, I want to finally give myself permission to be happy.” Castiel smooths out the worry lines around Dean’s eyes with his fingertips and his smile becomes a genuine one, while he lowers his gaze sheepishly. “If you’ll let me.”

A beat and then Dean starts to get up, slightly wincing for the discomfort when he rests his weight on his elbow.

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

A goofy smile spreads on Dean’s lips and his eyelashes flutter against his cheeks when he blinks away the dampness that threats again the corner of his eyes.

_They can do this._

_Sam, Cas, Jack, Bobby, Mary and all the hunters in the bunker._

_They will fight back._

“Yes, Cas.” Their gazes meet and Dean nods steadily when he feels Cas’s hand supporting his body when he’s on his legs, still slightly wobbly when he takes a step forward.

“We’re gonna do this.”

Their eyes meet for one last time when Dean grabs the knob, slightly turning it to the left.

“Together.” He whispers before fully opening the door and putting foot outside.

Castiel can still feel the warmth of Dean’s fingers pressed against his wrist when he walks side by side with him.

Their skins burn whenever the palms of their hands brush slightly every single step they take.


End file.
